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<title>The Autobiography of Chantelle Diabeat by chickenbiryani911</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185012">The Autobiography of Chantelle Diabeat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickenbiryani911/pseuds/chickenbiryani911'>chickenbiryani911</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ellen (TV), Hinduism - Fandom, Shiva., Vishnu - Fandom, chantelle - Fandom, diabetes - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bondage, Consensual Non-Consent, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Hinduism, Indian Character, Indian Harry Potter, M/M, Menstrual Sex, Multi, Non-Consensual Spanking, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Scat, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spanking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:29:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chickenbiryani911/pseuds/chickenbiryani911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The long-awaited bestseller that is the story of Chantella Yoni Diabeatupta - the lifestyle guru and influencer who has taken over the world with her amazing wit and immense talent - also her growing appetite for cock!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellen DeGeneres/Allison Janney, Ellen Degeneres/Other(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Park Jimin (BTS)/Reader, Shiva/Vishnu (Hindu Religions &amp; Lore)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Autobiography of Chantelle Diabeat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My mother always told me I was born the usual way, you know with the whole woman lies on her back and pushes the fat lump out of her ham-flavoured yoni but I know that wasn't the case for me. Mummy Diabeat is a fat lying cow with bread for eyes, the carb-loving cunt. I know my story but no one else does, my chapter was ripped out of both the Bhagavad Gita and the Rig-Veda and now I'm excruciatingly livid so sit back, grab some vindaloo and enjoy. </p><p>Vishnu passes me a cup of tea as we sit on the planet Uranus, I take it graciously from the blue God. </p><p>"What is actually in this cup of tea?" I question whilst dipping a finger in to give the tea some extra Chantelle-flavoured spice.</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, fat!" Vishnu hit me with his blue hand, painting my cheek in a ghastly wound. Wow he was strong. I just wish he was hitting my buttocks and simultaneously slamming his mighty meat rod into my fat pussy as he calls me his 'fat cow'. </p><p>"I'm sorry, Vishnu."</p><p>"It is alright, fat. The tea contains a substance that will send you to that planet there," he points a slender finger at a blue sphere with slabs of green plastered on top in the distance, "Earth."</p><p>"Earth?" I say in a confused tone. </p><p>"I'm sending you on a mission to create as many followers as you can of our religion but in order to fit in - you must be born to a mother and live a normal life. If you are figured out to be a child of Vishnu then you will be stoned to death by Ellen Degeneres. She is pure evil." </p><p>"Ellen doesn't sound like a good name. Rhymes with Kentucky Fried Chicken." I say.</p><p>"Colonel Sanders" Vishnu hums as his manhood becomes erect.</p><p>Vishnu impatiently pulls a hand out and reaches for the cup of tea indicating for me to drink up. I intake the substance and immediately taste the familiarity of scat. Yum. A sudden wash of ecstasy lifts my body off the planet Uranus, beams of light exiting every hole on my body - my nostrils, ear canals, anus...yoni - they torch my way to planet Earth. The journey started off rather slow but then switched to the speed of scat running out of one's asshole after a korma, I zoomed towards Earth in an instant. The tea's powers did not falter though as now I was parachuting down into the planet's ocean of clouds, descending further and further every millisecond. I am now in some spaghetti bolognese and the sweet sound of music managed to penetrate through the long strings of carbohydrates. I discover that I have shrunk in size as I am hidden within the plate of spaghet. I really don't know what to do, I am stuck in the midst of Italian food. Ew. I wish I was teeth-first into a Madras right now but no, I assume Lord Vishnu has a plan and meant for my first experience of Earth to be through the acquaintance of Spaghetti Bolognese. My thoughts are rudely interrupted by the fork lifting me off the plate however I cannot escape this leverage as I am tangled in spaghetti.</p><p>"Mmmmm I love spaghet." A thick Indian accent that was accommodated by stank breath came wafting into my senses. It finally hit me - this fat cow woman was about to eat me.</p><p>I am now inside her gaping hole of a mouth, being tossed around in the cocoon of spaghetti. I for real need to escape. I gnaw my way free. Why the fuck didn't I think of this earlier? Hahahaha stupid me but now I am faced with another dilemma. The woman's mouth is closed and the smell of her stank tongue below my feet is really starting to make me gag. I have no option but to dive down her throat.</p><p>9 months later</p><p> </p><p>I am in her fucking womb and it stinks bro like genuine shit in this bitch. Get me the fuck outta here bruh like Vishnu is a pain in my ass (and not the good anal sex pain, this is real pain)  as he got me into this mess, I have spent 9 fucking months in this prison of embryonic fluid, please Brahman, give me some answers.</p><p>"Punch the walls of her womb" Brahmans words echoed in my mind. Wow, the Upanishads weren't joking when they Brahman is one with everything and everyone - this goon for real inside me right now, mmmm. </p><p>I do as my God says and I start punch the confinement around me in the hope of some kind of solution and Brahman delivers with his solutions because I hear the groaning sounds of pain from the fat cow woman who ingested me 9 months ago.</p><p>"My bladdy water broke! Mr Diabeat, please pull out my embryonic cyst!" I hear the muffled screams of fat cow woman. </p><p>Fat cow woman may be rather God-like though because her vaginal opening dilates 30 feet instantly, I take my opportunity to force my way through - not like it would take much effort, it is 30 feet wide.  Fat cow woman looks at me in awe, the look of adoration on her face disgusts me greatly and I get the urge to slap her face with popadom power however I cannot because I realise that I am a fucking useless baby. What the fuck have you done to me, Vishnu?</p><p>"She is beautiful, what shall we call her?" Fat cow woman beams with delight.</p><p>"Scatthew Madras?" A man who I assumed was 'Mr Diabeat' said.</p><p>"No, you bladdy mongrel man. She is being named after number 69 on that list we saw on buzzfeed called 'Gross IndiAN baby names you should look into if your child looks like Steve Harvey's taint'" The woman retorts.</p><p>"And that is?" The man wonders.</p><p>The cow woman holds me up like a piece of shrimp and soon declares,</p><p>"This is Chantella Yoni Diabeatupta."</p>
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